My husband and I got married in January of 2014 after 3 years of dating. It was a day I’ll never forget and while I wish we’d done a couple things differently on the actual day, I was so happy to marry my best friend, I didn’t even care.
In April of 2014 I found out I was pregnant and was beyond excited!! I’d had a rough past 2 years health wise and just knew this baby was a blessing. I was right! My pregnancy was fairly easy, it corrected a lot of the health issues I’d been struggling with and stayed low risk which allowed me to continue down my path towards having an out of hospital birth. To be honest I was so happy while I was pregnant that I knew I wanted to do it at least 2 more times if not 3 (my husband and I had always talked about having 4 children) and then if I was still having uncomplicated pregnancies I was going to consider being a surrogate for a family that couldn’t have babies on their own (I know way to many deserving families who struggled with infertility treatment so I wanted to do something for those families). That was my 5-10 year plan…
Then two years later in May of 2016 I was diagnosed with Triple Positive breast cancer. We’d just begun talking about starting to try and have another baby later that year. My cancer was rapidly growing and I couldn’t risk taking the time to do the whole egg harvest thing through the infertility clinic, so instead we immediately started shutting down my reproductive system using Zoladex shots. However, I decided pretty quickly that I would have a full hysterectomy once I was done with my reconstruction surgeries. To this day my medical oncologist asks me why I’m doing that which in my opinion is the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked. Yes having a hysterectomy is definitely taking this “war against my hormones” thing to the next level but in all my personal research I’ve only found myself more convinced that this is the right thing to do for my family and me.
I want to live to see my son graduate, have babies, have his babies have babies…I want to grow old with my husband. And yes having a hysterectomy doesn’t mean that my cancer can’t spread but damn it if it doesn’t make it a smidge harder! Will to live overpowered my will to create life and I felt extremely selfish for making that decision. Almost shameful…see Cancer likes to make you feel like every decision you make to keep yourself alive is crazy selfish!
Cancer doesn’t care about your life plans but the key is not letting cancer become your life plan. This isn’t a choice we made on a whim but the resounding peace I felt after my husband told me that “if he had to chose me over another child he’d chose me any day”, definitely made it clear we are making the right choice! Now, looking back, I can see my little guy was more then a blessing, he was part of Gods plan for my life.
**At this point adoption, fostering, surrogacy, etc isn’t in the cards for us (to be honest it’s all extremely expensive and emotionally trying).**